The (Bow)Tie That Binds
by samehere18
Summary: Things left behind are not always forgotten.


Authors Note: This was just an "I'm sad today and Jenn told me to write it down so I did" fic. Didn't think too much about it, but it helped me feel not so blue.

Warnings: Maybe a teeny bit of angst.

**The (Bow) Tie That Binds**

The apartment seemed somehow bigger now. It was as if more air had been let in, expanding the walls from the inside out, but at the same time, Kurt was having trouble getting enough oxygen. He felt heavier now; a little empty. He found himself pacing the room. Restless, sock-covered feet sliding over the hardwood, flitting hands gliding across the furniture and knick-knacks of the apartment. He moved to the window, resting his forehead on the glass, gazing at the street below, then turning away without even registering the view.

A little more than an hour ago, he stood at this very window, a not-quite-authentic smile on his face as he waved at Blaine's taxi pulling away from the curb. They had said goodbye in the loft, agreeing not to do their farewells at the busy airport with the too loud, too close crowd around them. Now, as he wandered the empty space, Kurt remembered their last moments here, how Blaine's eyes had been so bright and lovely, unshed tears making them sparkle, and then Blaine's face going slightly out of focus as Kurt's own vision blurred. Clasped hands, words unnecessary in that moment, moving into a tight hug, fingers clutching at fabric, neither wanting to be the first to let go.

Kurt now silently moved to the couch, inhaling deeply and sighing, sinking into the corner and snuggling back into the cushions, remembering the night before when the movie played. They hardly noticed, instead their heads leaned back, turned toward each other, the shadow and light from the television changing the landscape of their faces, Blaine's soft smile, Kurt's hopeful eyes. He remembered how Blaine had whispered, so surely, "I'll be back here soon…" his words holding so much meaning.

Taking a deep breath, Kurt closed his eyes now and tried to let himself hope. There were so many days in between last night and graduation, an abundance of things that could get in the way. Scars inside both of them that needed to be stitched back together. Kurt had a lot of demons in his head constantly telling him that things wouldn't work out; that Blaine had nearly destroyed him before, and not to trust him again. Kurt had learned to turn that voice off, had learned a lot about Blaine and about himself these past several months. Blaine wasn't perfect and neither was he, but perhaps they could be perfect for each other, and for the first time in a long while, he was letting himself believe it might happen.

A small smile spread over Kurt's face as he took another deep breath and tried to picture Blaine there in the loft with him, going through the day-to-day mundane things, passing each other on the stairwell going to and from class, making dinner in the small kitchen, bumping into each other (sometimes by accident), and falling asleep to the sure and steady sound of Blaine's breathing close beside him. When he let himself linger in that head space, he felt a slow, long, lazy flip of his insides. It was dangerous to go too far down that road, the voice said…ahhh, but if they could do it, it would be blissful. Kurt had always struggled with the belief that he deserved to be happy. Since moving away, in many ways and in many parts of his life, he believed that he had earned a spot in this world. He was succeeding at work, learning and making his own way there. School was becoming easier and he was finding out that his talent and voice were appreciated much more than they had been in that small town he left. He was secure in his own body, he felt like he was conquering all those old insecurities. Except where love was concerned.

Slowly he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. He was starting to believe, but was Blaine? He seemed so sure already, as if just waiting on Kurt to come to the same realization. Kurt had noticed how much Blaine had changed, matured, how in control he seemed now, he had made friends, faced down his own ghosts of his past, and seemed to be the better for it. If that was the case, would he still have room for Kurt in his life? Or, what if he hadn't changed as much as Kurt thought? What if Blaine could never believe himself worthy of someone's love, and he would always be unsatisfied?

Shaking his head to clear it, Kurt rose from the sofa, leaning over the coffee table to pick up a glass someone had left the night before, when he saw it. Blaine's bow tie. The cranberry-striped one Kurt had bought for him two Christmases ago that he had worn to dinner last night. It had looked so beautiful against the tanned skin of his throat. Kurt had watched, dry-mouthed, as Blaine had removed it at night's end. Now, Kurt swallowed thickly, reaching out to retrieve it, slowly rubbing his thumb over the stiff fabric. Blaine had so many bow ties, he probably wouldn't even miss this one, but Kurt would put it with his own for safe-keeping, and return it to Blaine on his next trip to Lima. Smiling to himself, he walked to his bedroom, pulling open the top drawer of his chest. Inside lay a small wooden box which held all of Kurt's own ties. He lifted the lid, and there resting on top of his own collection, was a simple yellow post-it note.

"_Just keep it here. I told you – I'll be back soon_."


End file.
